Brain Storm Forecast: Cloudy with a Chance of Sunshine

ALRIGHT. I’ve got it.

So in the last month and a half since I blogged, I have tossed myself headfirst into the world of wine. I’ve thoroughly read two editions of the Wine Spectator (and that is a THICK magazine). I’ve tasted some fabulous glasses and I can now address the local wine bar employees by name. I’ve spent about $100.00 on some great deals at BevMo during their 5–cent sale, I now have a small collection of different varietals and vintages that have and will continue to further my education daily. I have enjoyed the incredible company of my Uncle Marty and Aunt Lily, who share their lovely expensive wines and cheeses with me so I may know the differences (and get a bit drunk, mind you). I’ve even convinced our lead Sommelier and restaurant manager at the Shores to consider me for a cocktailing position so I may learn more about the industry.

So why am I sitting in my chair, questioning myself? You see I just read Tim Burton’s biography on Wikipedia, since Alice in Wonderland just came out I’ve been re-fascinated with his genius. I keep thinking that I need to be releasing my creative energy – not locking myself into a stuffy profession where snobs prevail. Yes I could be a very fun, entertaining snob – but if I give in to the high society service industry – it may be giving up a huge part of what I really want to do. I need to make music, write, and teach. Teaching… wasn’t that on my list?

Now don’t you go and think I’m giving up on wine – by no means is that on the agenda. I am still just as fired up as I ever was. It is very un-affordable for me right now, I can’t keep dropping Franklins at BevMo and paying for $10 glasses of fine Zins twice a week. I certainly can’t afford fancy tasting dinners or touring through Napa. I’m just going to have to stick with raiding Uncle Marty’s fabulous collection and reading about how wine tastes.

My next move is to stop being a lazy butt. There are more usable hours in the day than what I’m using – I need to get myself in the teaching door. Get off my butt – volunteer. I’ve gotten all the forms and things, I just need to walk across the street and DO IT. I will also staple a big Nike swoosh to the ceiling above my bed so I can remember that I need to JUST DO IT.

I realize that I KNOW I am going to be a teacher. I am somehow going to end up there in some capacity. I have been making excuses because I’m afraid to dedicate myself to something. It’s hard!!! Here are my excuses: There’s not much money in it, there’s a lot of politics in it, you could grow to be a crazy parent if you’re a teacher (Kim maybe you can give me your opinion on this one?), you can be laid off in a pinch (I may not be able to get a job – period), and you have to deal with crazy parents – ick! And it pretty much goes without saying that sleeve tattoos will be marked off my to-do-list, Family: you may begin the happy dance now.

BUTT! But... It is clear as day to me that I need to be spreading my enthusiasm for writing, reading, poetry, music, etc. Those are not only my joys but my natural talents. I would be silly to change directions completely right now. I need to finish what I started - by starting back on the same path I've always known. I don't need career advice. I need a damn swoosh on my ceiling so I can kick my own butt to where I know it belongs.

Career brain is stormy

So what do we ever hope to accomplish in this life? If it’s possible, I believe I’ve thunk myself into a standstill. Every direction I move I feel like I’m taking a step back.

My job is mellow. I feel important and respected, I get paid well. However, supervising a Massage Department with no potential for growth is SO not what I want to do for the rest of my life. Not to mention that this is a horribly inactive, quiet, desk job. It’s not just me who thinks I (a wild, loud, active person) should not be here. I am staling into complacency and the steady paycheck.

So what do I do? I want to be a teacher but I have no experience or time to take classes. I could take classes online and learn by-the-book, but I’m a hands–on kind of girl! Even if I get credentialed and get a job in this economy, I’d make less money than I do now. And what If I don’t like teaching as much as I think I will? At least I’ll be able to move around and talk above a whisper…

So now a new option arises, Danny points out to me the other night that I am thoroughly and passionately obsessed with wine. AH! A passion that I can sink my teeth into, be around adults, be loud and certainly move around. I like the sound of this. I can sell, talk about, and drink wines from the most wonderful places and share them with the world! But now I see myself getting even further into hospitality – which is lovely but means that raising a family in the near future would be twice as hard if I’m to work weekends and nights and be more focused on the customer/vendor than my own well-being!

HOW does one decide????? What if I get started and change my mind – what if it’s too late? ARgh.

In my mind, I think I can do it ALL, somehow... Just get me out of this DAMN CHAIR!

I love and hate this wild ride. At least I’m down to wine professional and teaching English, I daresay those two may come together nicely in a hand-crafted college course. Wine in Literature of the 1800’s anyone?