Sunday, May 31, 2009

The Artist

* Inspired by Danny and Robert Browning *

The Artist

I walked alone this dreary day
And saw a man with azure eyes
I touched his face to kiss his lips
My love for him materialized

In that moment, all at once
I tasted where his heart is
I asked him if he knew my love
He nodded, "That's what art is."

-Lisa Gharib

Monday, May 18, 2009

The Blog that Makes Your Head Hurt - in a good way!

There is a great paradox in this world – namely the social catch 22 of “you are thinking of what I am thinking of you”.

We walk around wondering what everyone else thinks of us when, in fact, 90% of their thoughts are wondering the same thing. You’ve heard this before right? We say “que sera sera and “don’t worry about what other people think” – but we STILL DO! It plagues us to the point that it becomes unconscious and we don’t even realize we’re doing it. If you are one of the lucky ones who is supremely comfortable with yourself and you have already attained your own calmness of character – no need to read on – but if you are a worry-wart like me – this may be a helpful blog.

I personally have the problem of worrying about being courteous to others and my general character image:

- Is my music too loud coming from my car, maybe they don’t like country? So I turn down the tunes at an intersection.

- Would my conversation with Danny offend this person we are about to walk by? So I stop talking until we pass.

- How close can I stand to this person in the fast line at the grocery store before they think I am weird?

- Is my arm-fat sticking out of my sleeve too much?

- And most commonly: (when singing/performing publicly) People must think I’m terrible!

My singing teacher used to give me this advice (I’ve paraphrased) which I cling to immortally:

“YOU are a great singer! You must sing like a great singer and believe it because confidence takes care of the nerves. Everyone out there is so impressed that you are even up there on stage and when you do a good job it is an unexpected perk!”

You see when you are performing – you have to forget about yourself – become the song and present it to your audience: you are doing it for them! It is stupid and quite a waste of time to be selfishly worried about “your” performance when you should always remember that you are delivering a gift to the crowd!

Now when you think about it like this – you realize that thinking about yourself all the time is taking – when we should be giving just like a performer “gives” a performance.

One time – maybe today… try to think of what the other person wants you to think about them - and give them the satisfaction that you noticed their efforts. You will get a huge reaction and probably make an instant friend. I strive to do this as much as possible but it is not easy! I am a very self-focused person and I need a lot of acknowledgement, but I’m not alone. If I can do this, anyone can.

Here’s an example:

Boy says: “I really like your shoes.”

Girl says: “Thank you.”

Sounds simple enough, right? Well, here’s the thing: the boy doesn’t really care about her shoes – but he knows that she spends half of her income on fancy shoes to impress boys so he is taking notice of the shoes and complimenting her for that reason. He has stopped thinking about himself (and what she is thinking of him) for one second to give her the acknowledgment of choosing the right pair of shoes.

Of course she is ecstatic. She’ll play it off like she doesn’t care but she’s really blown away that he would even consider looking at her shoes – let alone forming an opinion about them.

Now this is a very obvious example, but you get the idea.

We all need to try this, when you get used to doing this you will feel so much better as a person (it’s that warm-fuzzy feeling you get from donating to a charity) and you’ll really bring down your stress levels. You’ll feel like you are important because you made someone’s day – and wait! Isn’t feeling important what you try to do every day by waiting for someone to notice you? The circle is complete.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Analysis of a Creeper

WHY do creepy old men come after attractive girls that happen to be standing alone at a given moment? Is it a game? Do they really think they have a chance? Honestly, am I patting myself on the back too much when I say “what makes you think you are worthy of talking to me?” Now I don’t say that, because I’m nice, courteous, and most of all curious about what this creepy man is going to say to me.

This happens to us ladies ALL of the time, Suzy and I have given these men (collectively) the name “Dwight” – because if your name is Dwight – you’re probably a creeper. Allow me to enlighten you with a recent incident of ridiculous proportions!

We are out at Danny’s opening for the showing of his piece (a painting – it’s not THAT kind of exhibition) in a juried exhibition at Planet Rooth Gallery on Ray street during the Ray at Night art walk. I had been by Danny’s side like a cleaning wrass on a swimming shark for over an hour when I decided to let him chat up some people without his female clinger.

I go to stand in front of his beautiful painting (which is pretty clearly from a photo of me) and IMMEDIATELY I am swooped upon! This wild frizz-haired Twisted Sister of an aging rocker suddenly touches my shoulder and asks about my phoenix tattoo. First of all – I REALLY f-ing hate it when people touch my tattoo because they think that somehow it is public property – that would be MY body – thanks! More on that later…

So I turn and say very nicely – “It is a phoenix, yes”. And he says “You know, the phoenix is a symbol of re-birth and rising from the ashes”. I really tried not to laugh directly in his face and say “OH! Wow, is that it? Thank you I definitely was not aware…” Given this guy was deserving of pity – his shirt looked like a Bon Jovi tee ripped off at the sleeves and spray-painted with silver tiger stripes! He must have been on some kind of drugs – like the really good kind ‘cause the wheels were spinning but the hamster was thinking he was a 20-year old Sean Penn.

Anyways, he proceeds to tell me he has three PhDs and that he is a literature professor. Of course I can pretty much keep up with all of his stories as I am well-versed in literature and poetry myself. He knew his stuff, but he didn’t seem to get that I wasn’t impressed – It was like this:

Dwight: “Did you know that the Doors named their band after a William Blake Poem? Do you know William Blake?”

Lisa: “Yes they got it from The Marriage of Heaven and Hell – which is actually an entire book...”

Then we moved on to Shakespeare:

Dwight: “Don’t you think Macbeth is very supernatural with the witches and the fates?”

Lisa: “Well the witches ARE the fates and it depends if you think religion should be considered supernatural.”

And so on – basically a lot of people try to impress me with their poetic knowledge but they really have no actual insight to share – they are just hitting on me. Given that this was a valiant effort, I was getting very bored and I remember thinking that he might just keel over at any point because he was really that old.

Anyways, I slipped in the boyfriend fact and found some kind of clever way to dash away without hurting his feelings and latched on to Danny more like a leech this time.

The Dwight had wasted nearly 20 minutes of his time trying to impress me, and he kept trying to find me again through the night despite the fact that I was clearly with my man – I had to wonder – why? I was very sassy in my Japanese corset with long jeans and high-heeled boots, and I just plain looked very nice that night – so why did he think that someone like me would be at such an event alone? It doesn’t make sense.

Does logic just completely evade the minds of these men whilst on the prowl? Was it the shrooms? Should I have said “Pardon me sir but it appears that you are trying to woo me via Shakespeare quotes, please allow me to explain: I assure you I am not interested in your motley appearance or your quotes of poems which I already know. If you think I am pretty you may be correct, but my boyfriend shares the same sentiments. This is his painting here which I am standing next to so I will draw the attention of art aficionados who may notice my resemblance to this lady on the wall. Now please excuse me but I am not up for grabs and I must be running along back to the love of my life whose fantastic painting skills have brought me here in the first place.”

“By the way Axl Rose called – he wants his blow-dryer back.”

Saturday, May 9, 2009

Don't get saucy with me, Bernaisse!

I hear the bunions are running... GO!

New band name: Choking on Tennessee or Shit off the Roof?

Why is it that we wear a PAIR of panties and a singular BRA? Isn't that like driving on a parkway and parking in a driveway?

I am a new-born (or is it born-again?) Trekkie! Can someone please get me an "I LOVE SPOCK" t-shirt???

Q: What is invisible and smells like carrots?
A: Rabbit fart!

I do not fear death, but rather death by insects... or worse - death by spoon!

Does Swiss ice-cream also have holes?

Buffalo sauce should be given some kind of award for it's sheer deliciousness.

My uncle used to put like forty socks on my bedroom ceiling fan and we'd hide under my laundry basket to watch in safety when he turned it on. They'd flip and fling like fish drowning in the air above my bed - splattering against the peachy wall-paint and bouncing off of our heads! What a spectacle, the nightly sock-launch!

Don't look at me like that - you're the one who read it!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

A cuteness...

Luke the Puke

L Little soot-black menace in the night

U Undulating sideways across the senseless brown carpet

K Kitten eyes like a cartoon, bold orange and orbishly innocent

E Endlessly chirping, honking, squealing and squawking your feline songs

F Flirting with Danny, or Danny’s pants when he’s not home

L Lord of the Kitty Fortress, five stories high – fearsomely he leaps!!!

O Often the connoisseur of most plentiful American toilet water

W Warrior, the sole ambushing force against the ill-tempered Crayfly!

E Entirely afraid of Bryan the Dog, the epitome of a Scaredy-Cat

R Roly-poly, tuck-and-roll, WATCH OUT you’re going to roll off the bed again!

S Shoelaces beware!!!

Monday, May 4, 2009


HAH! Oh Kim honestly - I'm the dumbest! "baptize them in his name" -oy - ok so that's hilarious that I saw it as IN his name. No, so you baptize someone in the water and you say "in the name of Jesus I baptize this sinner...etc." WOW Ok somebody slap me with a wet waffle and call me Shakespeare!!!

I get it now.

Either way, interpretations can vary - even a very literate girl with an English minor can read something wackily.

ANYWAYS! I'm gonna lay off a bit. I got a little wild there and no one wants to read a blog about serious suff and flaming opinions all of the time do they?

Or OK, how about flaming opinions on more light-hearted stuff? Yeah. I'll go there next.

Sorry for being a crazy lady - it's my nature. I'll try harder not to be SO crazy and maybe we can all enjoy ourselves. Any ideas for a new topic? And DON'T say global warming!

Love yas!

Word of Mouth - Continued!

Since I've not yet figured out how to comment on my own blog, I will write a new blog to respond to some GREAT comments!


I am even more curious now! Jenna mentioned Matthew 28: 18-20. I want to know more about this - when Jesus says "baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything that I have commanded you." he is clearly making a metaphor because you can't literally baptize someone (especially a whole "nation") with someone's name. Unless "name" is a symbol for water I'd say this is a metaphor meant to be an image conveying his message.

Now bearing this in mind - I'd like to suggest that Jesus is supporting my point here, as the "teaching" them to obey His laws that Jesus commands can also be seen as a metaphor. It does not necessarily mean teaching with pamphlets or word of mouth - I'm also guessing Jesus wasn't trying to tell us to go forth and implement curriculum in public schools that teach the Word of God either. Of course, I am no biblical scholar - but I feel that the presence of a metaphor in the very next verse allows us the freedom to infer that "teaching" may in fact be more...

Were people more inspired by Jesus's words or his actions? Would we believe in anyone who simply spoke to us that God was the Almighty and we should follow only Him? No, we wouldn't. Jesus was a truly good man from what I understand and he preformed a certain amount of miracles to gain our full attention and faith.

Now I feel that a modern miracle lies not within our words that we shout to the world - but in how real those words are in our lives and actions. Once again, "teaching" has many faces and the only way to truly learn is to see something happen and do it yourself - just as a father would teach his daughter by living his life well - not forcing beliefs - and loving his children no matter what.

NOW! I'm not sure who the other post was from (not Todd - that's rather self-explanatory!). Come forth mystery blogger!

Anyways, this comment got my wheels spinning! I am wondering now - what kind of God would allow his people to be believers and require these standards of their behavior and yet allow them the sole responsibility for their loved ones religious "education"? Doesn't this go against the teaching of Jesus to think that just because you haven't convinced your brother (for example) to give into the graces of the Lord that he will never be "saved"? Why did Jesus even bother to come down here and work so hard to show us true grace if we were to treat his example like it never happened? Why can't someone just be good on their own with or without the Church and still be seen highly in the eyes of God? Must every believer be baptized and follow all of the rules of the Book verbatim in order to see the pearly gates? OOH! I hope not. Sorry, that gets me fired up!

People created Churches with a lot of their own motivations (political, economical, etc.) in mind - most of the modern churches are either old Roman courthouses (in Europe) or they are modeled after the old roman courthouses. Most religious holidays are on days previously for Pagan celebrations - so why do these things equate to the symbols of a "good " Christian? Oh. the BOOK says so. And how many "good" Christians do you know who are not really so good, who are in fact bad people who feel entitled by all of this pomp and circumstance of religious symbolism around us - and they use their "Good Christian" church group membership as a tool to look down on others, to bully and judge. I understood that God was the only one who could judge - perhaps I was wrong.

Why do the book and the Church and the singing and the praying hold SO much importance when the real teachings are sitting there between the lines? We feel so obligated to share what we learned from the book that we forget that GOD is still God and if you really believe in Jesus then you should be comforted in his presence and know that living a whole, good life with his teaching to help you along will be MORE than enough to "save" your loved ones and even the world if enough people stop talking and start modeling their actions around the words and everything in-between that is unsaid.

Oy, I digress.

Rhode Island is neither a road or an island - discuss!

Sunday, May 3, 2009

The BIG "R" - Word of mouth

Welcome to my first installment of The BIG "R"! That would be religion. I am about to dive in head first - care to join me? Do whatever holy motions you need to prepare yourself - and enjoy!

Word of Mouth

So I am curious about a religious something: I am wondering, "Why in God’s name do we spread His word?" My experience is mostly with modern Christians. I’ve encountered or been approached by Mormons and Evangelical Christians too, who have been even more pushy. For this reason I will use Christianity as my example, but keep in mind that any major religion can and will spread the word.

Now, I understand when you have a lot of pride in your faith and you want the whole world to share your feelings. It’s like eating the most fabulous cheesecake – you must tell all of your friends at once so they may enjoy the same pleasures! But when does it get to the point where you start preaching, pushing and forcefully encouraging people to join you. When does it get to the point that a normally shy person will approach a stranger with his own beliefs or enter a conversation to speak about his own beliefs? And I’d like to know when it gets to the point where a person becomes so ensconced in their Lord and their religion that he begins to feel God-like himself and takes on the task of judging others who do not believe.

So is there a referral system in heaven? It must be like girl-scout cookies, the more you sell the bigger the waiting prize becomes. For every 5 people you can convert, the size of your halo will increase accordingly!… Just as the Lord is great in every other aspect – so is He the master of a most elaborate pyramid scheme!

I am curious if the Bible specifies these terms, could someone who is better “versed” than I please clarify? What does He actually say about this subject?

Here’s the deal. Even if the Lord says directly (or rather, most indirectly via several translations from original texts) that we are to spread the Word – I would say that we have something to consider: Why would the Lord say this? Isn’t the Lord the Alpha and the Omega? He is the beginning and the end and everything in between! Any one of his creatures will know this!

If Christians are so confident in their Lord to run around spreading the Word like a whirlwind of rabbits in heat spreading their love – why don’t they have enough confidence in the Lord to reach all of those “lost” souls in his own way?

If God is truly great – why can’t He be trusted to work in those mysterious ways in his own manner? Instead we leave Him trying to clean up our mess when we gather in a huge mob of vehement “faith” and blindly use His name to massacre thousands of non-believers? This kind of entitlement can lead to major problems that actually work directly against the Bible and its teachings, if you don’t believe me – read a history book. The massacre thing is only a small example.

Really it comes down to this: everyone should be more like my father. Not my Father, I mean my dad Tom. Cowboy Tom, Tom the Boy Scout leader, Tom the man who laughs uncontrollably and sounds like Muttley!

My father has always been very Christian and conservative – and if you meet him you would never know it unless you asked him. He does not go to Church every Sunday. He does not sing songs about God to express his love for Him. He doesn’t tally his points toward heaven by counting prayers or good deeds. He is just GOOD, no need to check off the itemized rulebook of “how be a Christian”. He knows the book and he understands the ideas. He does not shove his thoughts on modern issues unless asked. He is at peace this way; he is a good man who shows his faith and strength of character in his actions. Isn’t that what everyone wants? To be at peace and know what they stand for, to make friends and not enemies. My father has perfected this. I look up to his calm confident tolerance more than he will ever know. We are on opposite sides of the same coin, but we both realize that it’s the same coin. We are happy in our own ways while living together harmoniously. (DAMN that was cliché!! Whatever…)

I suppose I am preaching now myself! Perhaps it is a human thing to preach – just like when I e-mailed all of the soy information out to you! Hah! But some of you didn’t like that did you? You were probably saying ‘why does Lisa send me this crap and try to sway me over to her healthful eating habits?’ That must be annoying and likely offensive at some point.

Just consider these things, it is all I ask. (said the person passing out Bibles door to door).

We cannot escape! More on this later…go live your life!