Saturday, May 9, 2009

Don't get saucy with me, Bernaisse!

I hear the bunions are running... GO!

New band name: Choking on Tennessee or Shit off the Roof?

Why is it that we wear a PAIR of panties and a singular BRA? Isn't that like driving on a parkway and parking in a driveway?

I am a new-born (or is it born-again?) Trekkie! Can someone please get me an "I LOVE SPOCK" t-shirt???

Q: What is invisible and smells like carrots?
A: Rabbit fart!

I do not fear death, but rather death by insects... or worse - death by spoon!

Does Swiss ice-cream also have holes?

Buffalo sauce should be given some kind of award for it's sheer deliciousness.

My uncle used to put like forty socks on my bedroom ceiling fan and we'd hide under my laundry basket to watch in safety when he turned it on. They'd flip and fling like fish drowning in the air above my bed - splattering against the peachy wall-paint and bouncing off of our heads! What a spectacle, the nightly sock-launch!

Don't look at me like that - you're the one who read it!

1 comment:

  1. I am honored to say that you are my roommate. Yeah, you know who this is. Bryan. The dog. Woof. Now get off your lazy ass and feed me.